A Non Perfect Christmas
So the non-perfect Christmas started with a non-perfect Christmas tree. Here's a perfect looking Christmas tree...
Now here's our tree...
Spot the difference??? Lol
You see what we had this year was a Christmas that was a terribly long way from perfect. As a matter of fact what we had was a Christmas that majorly sucked; in just about every way. Well maybe not entirely but you get the picture.
You see this Christmas actually fucked up so much that had it been National Lampoon or something it would have been funny. but it was not, it was just me and my kids.
You see it is currently just me and the babies and I have saved very hard to try and give them a decent Christmas. So I thought in order to try and provide that this year and in order to not buy them a load of shite which they already had I would save and buy them a Wii U - as I know this is what they really want.
So I trawled the net looking for a good price on a preowned one as I think it is not important if this thing is brand new or not it should last, they are only small that won't use it extensively but no!! Game where I wanted to purchase one were all sold out two weeks prior to Christmas. As i did not trust all retailers that sell secondhand and could not find a reasonable price elsewhere I thought I will buy the thing new. So I did... and it arrived and I assumed it was fine.
Then having decided in a snap decision pre-Christmas that I could no longer put up with what was my student desperation purchase of a television set I decided to buy a Smart TV, which today is still not appearing to be that smart and is struggling to pick up Youtube and I cant even sign into Netflix - smart stuff.
So anyway it is only me and the babies this year, which was the same situation a couple of years ago also when we went to Winter Wonderland around the 22nd or 23rd or so and I came back with the complete shivers and felt violently ill over Xmas and could barely eat.
Also the day that I rescued a businessman's Ipad on the train and returned it to him Pre-Christmas (everyone said to get his number - but he was a bit old for me and wore sensible shoes; terrible shame as he was minted) so anyway I think that this Xmas I will actually get to spend some time with the little ones properly. Now it's not always easy being a single parent and whilst we have friends and may or may not have received invites (and had I angled that way I probably would have got some) I did not want to make a fuss and resigned myself to the fact it was just us. But that's okay as I will spend my time having fun with the kids and we will play this new console. The one I have killed myself saving for and we won't need a new DVD player even though ours had just broken down as the Wii will play DVD's.
Cue the fact that come Xmas day I got the Wii out and the fucker broke down on install. Now the sodding tele will not play a single smart thing. I cant login to Netflix (piece of shit) nor put on a DVD. I piss about and piss about with the Wii, I even do an adaptor reset (piece of piss) out of desperation but no it has gone off and refuses to come back on. So what do I end up doing?? Well not a lot. I spend the whole day cooking the Xmas dinner in half an oven (as the element has gone and although I can get it sorted cheap as a favour it was just too close to Christmas ask such a favour) and consequently spending very little time with the kids... So I had a look on Facebook...
all I see is
And happy comments such as "the boy done good" and "Oooh look what he bought me", cue pics of Ugg Boots - I love Ugg boots no one is fucking buying me any
Pics of Michal Kors' watches etc.. I fucking hate Michael Cors anyway - boring clothes and bags
and just happy families generally. So none of them are sitting here having as shit a time as us. Now I don't care how much you say Facebook is a facade and it clearly is a facade - that was fucking evident!!!
So what did I do.. Well partly fuelled by Xmas pissing me off, reminders of lack of boyfriend/partner (see BridgetteJoneseque loneliness) and feeling like an inadequate human being and also lack of working technology to entertain children (or even a working oven) i did what all good people would do lost my fucking rag and made a cunt of myself on Facebook, with the words
Shockingly a few people liked this!!???
I then sodded off to twitter where people do not know me so well and made a bit of an arse of myself... and you know what I found out about myself????
That this made me happy!!! Not ecstatically happy but that I felt relieved and you know what??? I don't regret it... I don't feel one bit bad for making a prat of myself. You know why? Cos life was taking the fucking piss!!!
And there and then I learnt something about myself. That's it's okay to not put on a brave face and admit that you are having a sodding awful time and that if people are truly your friend then they should be there for you; end of.
Because I can tell you now that were it my friend that were miserable I would not want them to sit and feel miserable I would want them to express it. So I guess that my lesson was in the end that if I am having a shit time then I shall allow myself to say "you know what this is really fucking shit and NO I AM NOT HAPPY" and that's a GOOD THING, as I consider that as a person who always seems to have taken on way too much responsibility it is okay to say " no this just won't do!!"
So I guess in the end that's what I learnt - I started to think about what is and isn't good enough, what I will and won't accept and my boundaries. Now as for the Wii U, well the retailer has offered me 15 pounds in vouchers on top of exchange. So far I have failed to get to their store once yesterday which cost me all of twenty quid as they chose to put it in the middle of nowhere and I could not get to it on bus train and foot (yeah shit location). So this is currently an ongoing saga which I hope will be resolved by the end of the week and hopefully my children will forget about what they termed as "the worst Christmas ever."
As for Christmas itself well it has always been quite a painful time for me, for reasons which I do not really care to divulge here and now and this year has not improved that, so I am half considering next year to re-term the whole thing "Chill Out Week" and celebrate the thing loosely but go about it with little adherence to convention and avoid Facebook altogether. Also, after the debacle of Christmas day cooking I may just fuck it all off and do what I say I'll do every year "order a takeaway" and believe it or not I am serious. Christmas means many things to many people but for me it has always been a highly ambivalent period emotionally and in the end it just got me thinking about what I will and won't put up with; what I do and don't deserve and that in future I will test all electrical products thoroughly the moment I get them :))) - as it turns out that apparently they do have the capacity to make one happy or sad..
Hope yours did not suck as much as ours... which we are now attempting to spend our holiday period making up for.. Love and Light.. SJ x x x