I don’t conform to being a Mum in my mid to late thirties; there I said it. Now I don’t know exactly what these standards of conformity are but all I know is that I don’t fit them and I shall tell you why! The answer is because I am not your typical Mum, that is that I am a ‘single’ Mum, now this is a bit of a gamechanger.
Anyhow, let’s look at what this ‘Mum’ image is that I mention. What is it exactly?? That one’s confusing, but to me, once women get into their thirties and fourties it seems to consist of wearing a lot of tan and beige, a lot of boho stuff (great way to go in your fifties to seventies but, surely we are allowed to wear something other than prints) and (to a large extent) for some ladies I find appearing downtrodden. Now let’s just take money out of the equation for a moment and see what I mean. I honestly feel no matter what a person’s budget we are all able to make decisions on how to present ourselves to the world. Now let me explain that I am not judging any lady in her choice of attire here, if that’s what you feel comfortable in that is entirely up to you. I understand the merits of wearing tan, mustard, burgundy and turquoise when establishing a school playground hierarchy and going to parents evening. I have also considered stashing away an oilcloth Cath Kidston, Radley or Orla Kiely bag to drag out to go alongside aforementioned ensemble to wear to meet new teachers (in order that I won’t have to be judged as a scumbag the second I meet and greet a new person involved in my child’s education) and adopting a false register to my voice. Then, when I am done with school meetings going home chucking it all off and descending back to chav status!! 😊 (South London girl here I’m a real chav I’m afraid 😉) But, the fact is I just can’t bring myself to play ‘the game’. I can’t bring myself to pretend, and why should I??
Further to this is my own unique take on this as a single parent - the word ‘single’ is a big clue here. I would at some point actually like to attract somebody. Believe it or not I am not adverse to the idea of having a loving relationship and I find it highly unlikely that I am going to do that in tan brogues and with a mass of roots and an unkempt mane and an oversized wax jacket.. you get the picture. The thing is that I know and I appreciate that everybody has completely different tastes but this is my taste, personally I would never judge what other women do and don’t want to wear as I know it is entirely up to them but I do sometimes feel bad for people and I am thoroughly unable to understand how you can even hope to maintain a loving relationship and a good sex life if you make absolutely zero effort with how you dress. I mean how do the two add up?? They don’t really.
As a wise woman (Marianne Williamson) once said “You do not shrink for others to feel better around you” or words to that effect, well no you do not. I will honestly tell you that being myself (in the aforementioned manner) has not always been the easiest path to take, but, to me it is THE only path. I feel that in throwing off restraints and continuing to be myself and true to me I am removing a burden.